yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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