hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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