Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Randomize
