The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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