once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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