my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
