Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
