I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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