Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
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