Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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