I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
