Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
the liver wants what the liver wants
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I have tasted many bathrooms
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
