We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize