question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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