I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
