I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
