toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
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