haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
