I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
