carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
We talked him into tasing himself.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
