I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize