my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize