the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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