Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
