im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
