you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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