How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i think i have herpe
just one?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
