Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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