It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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