I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
