just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
The adults are the big ones right?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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