I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
