why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
