You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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