I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
