I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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