I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
