This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
