Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
