Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
