if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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