I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
