this beer tastes like vomit already
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
