You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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