You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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