I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
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