I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
