Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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