Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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