This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
