Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
