You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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