Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
