everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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