listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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