hotel room ftw
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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