Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
