Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
