I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
