It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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