walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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