So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i just had sex bonerless
That's when you crack a 10am beer
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
