I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
