He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize