pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
