i don't like sucking hair
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
