Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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