Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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