So drunk its hurt
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
