ya dads aren't the best wingmen
wrigley field is MILF paradise
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
