note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
